Worst online dating messages
And, more important, he realized, dating could be much improved if only everybody approached it like an economist would. OYER: Now, more education, it turns out, doesn’t have much of a direct effect.Now, of course he would say that – he is an economist. So if you have more education on a dating site, you won’t get more attention on average, however, you will indirectly.Finally, the economist Justin Wolfers points out one of the most revolutionary benefits of online dating — finding matches in traditionally “thin” markets: WOLFERS: So I do think it’s a really big deal for young gay and lesbian men and women in otherwise homophobic areas. And I imagine this is true in other ethnic communities. REED: Well, one thing I wanted to make clear is that she’s not just a bad person, she wants to ruin your life. Money, my car, my phone, keeping America American, my family, and my friends, and Aaron Carter. So my goal at that point became to convince them that she is just awful. If they asked what I was doing I said I was pretending to be a 14 year old on Facebook so I could bully my sister’s friends. With a lot of guys I could just, I wrote gibberish, just pounded on keyboard for a minute and sent it and the vast majority of them responded with that sounds great, what are you doing on Friday? REED: Actually, I found that a deal breaker for me was messaging Aaron Carter Fan.And certainly there are, it’s enormously easy to match on very, very specific sexual preferences. So under the section “what I am really good at” the only thing she lists is “convincing people I’m pregnant.” DUBNER: LOL at the end of it. DUBNER: And how many dates did you have then out of Aaron Carter Fan fishing? [THEME] ANNOUNCER: From WNYC: This is FREAKONOMICS RADIO, the podcast that explores the hidden side of everything. [MUSIC: The Diplomats of Solid Sound, “The Cuber Bake” (from Let’s Cool One)] DUBNER: We’re talking today about online dating.So an overweight person who is otherwise medium attractive will do almost as well as a medium attractive person who is not overweight. And what about men’s preferences versus women’s preferences?OYER: Men, on the other hand, care a lot less about income.Paul OYER: When men are deciding who to contact on dating sites, looks matter a great deal. Women are in general a little bit more attracted to lawyers, doctors, men in the military and firefighters, which I’d always heard was a stereotype, but apparently it turns out to be at least a little bit true.
It’s called Everything I Ever Needed To Know About Economics I Learned From Online Dating.For instance: how do you build the best profile ever? And then just like, it’s a series of prompts, and basically what I’m realizing now looking at it is in every case I’ve tried to brag and then quickly tell a joke so it doesn’t look like I’m bragging that much. VOGT: Okay, so it says what are you doing with your life? And this is true, but it all ends up sounding up like weird bragging. VOGT: It could be that I was really into torrential rain. VOGT: One of the prompts is “I Spend A Lot of Time Thinking About.” And I say that I spend a lot of time worrying about people I know seeing me on here, which is ironic because we’re on the radio right now. VOGT: Yeah, I feel like I’m not a person who feels a ton of shame, and I feel just rivers of shame right now. New York City is demographically more female than male. You’re providing a good, single, straight male, which is in relatively high demand.Is it better to choose a big site like or a niche site like Gluten Free (which is real)? Wouldn’t it be nice if Paul Oyer could not only answer these questions but answer them for a real person wanting to improve his actual online dating situation… And I say I’m a public radio producer, which means I edit and report stories (brag) and drink too much caffeine (mild self-deprecating joke). Coffee, whiskey, running shoes, paperbacks, torrents and my geriatric Vespa. VOGT: Oh, torrents are, they’re ways that people download media illegally online usually. Now the other thing to keep in mind here is time is very much on your side.So she created a fake profile for a woman she called “Aaron Carter Fan” (Aaron Carter, for the uninitiated, is the younger brother of a Backstreet Boy.) Reed loaded her profile with despicable traits (see the whole list below) but used photos of a model friend. (For more, see Reed’s article “Four Things I Learned from the Worst Online Dating Profile Ever.“) Alli Reed’s fake Ok Cupid profile Then you’ll hear from Paul Oyer, a labor economist at Stanford and author of the new book Oyer hadn’t thought much about online dating until he re-entered the dating scene himself after a long absence and was struck by the parallels between the dating markets and labor markets. Vogt opened up his Ok Cupid profile to let Oyer dissect and, theoretically, improve it. OKCupid, in case you don’t know, is a dating website. REED: …got a lot of messages of, hey, you seem nice. And that was what I was trying to reflect in Aaron Carter Fan. REED: On a typical Friday night she is knocking the cups out of homeless people’s hands because she thinks it is so funny to watch them try to pick it all up. And so Aaron Carter fan is stunningly good-looking. And so tell me about following up with some of these replies.If only people approached dating like an economist, he thought, they’d be better off. You’ll hear what Vogt had done right, what Oyer thinks was wrong, and what happens when you update your profile, economist-style. All my Jewish friends talk about being under pressure from mum to meet a good Jewish boy or girl, but they don’t happen to be everywhere, but they’re all over J-Date. in August and you know got back on as a way to meet people, and get to know the city a little bit. Like, just nothing to do with my profile, and so I wondered does anyone care at all. So I wanted to see if there was a lower limit to how awful a person could be before men would stop messaging her on an online dating site. DUBNER: Talk about some of your favorite highlights or lowlights of your profile. DUBNER: Talk to me a minute about the 6 things you could never do without. REED: She — to me, the worst person in the world is definitely racist. REED: Well after so many messages started rolling in the optimist in me decided that these men had just seen the pretty photo and had not read her profile.So when I was on the online dating market recently, you know, I’m much older than you are, and from a rational economic perspective, I should be less picky than you. I should be settling, settling is an important idea, it’s a very important idea to economists because of what we call search theory suggests that at some point you should realize that having what you have is better than expending more resources to try to do better. It’s a very big website, there are lots of men and women on it.And that’s more true when you’re my age, I’m 50 now, than when you’re your age, which is 28. So by putting yourself on this website, you’re going to have lots of choice, and a lot of people are going to have the opportunity to see you and consider you as an option. VOGT: Can I ask you a question…Or I can save it if it’s like a derailing question. VOGT: So my friends and I talk about this all the time.So you should be picky, you should be looking for a really good match. OYER: It’s a slow, steady…Your patience level should slowly and steadily erode. One thing he’s got going for him is that he’s using a big dating website, Ok Cupid, in a big city, New York.And the reason for that is suppose you do find just the right person, and get married and live happily ever after, well you’re in no rush to do that because you have, let’s just say 50 more years in which to enjoy the relationship you find if it’s a successful one. OYER: I don’t want to advertise for any given website, but especially in your demographic, kind of a younger demographic, Ok Cupid is what we call a thick market.Transcript: Alli REED: I had been personally on OKCupid on and off for a few years… REED: I actually, believe it or not, did not want to meet any of these men in real life. Alli Reed wrote a fake OKCupid profile for a really good-looking 25-year-old woman who also happened to be a racist, gold-digging, fake-pregnant-getting nightmare – and she got almost 1,000 replies. OYER: Just to give you one statistic that comes from the OKCupid blog, and I’m quoting here, “A hot woman receives roughly four times the messages an average-looking woman gets and 25 times as many as an ugly one.” And then there’s this interesting superstar effect where the very hottest 5 percent of men get twice as many emails as men who are just below that, who are more like the 10th percentile, amount the 10th percentile most attractive, but not among the very top 5 percent. I had the profile up for two or three weeks, and she got close to 1000 men message her.